I moved my therapy appointment to Thursday (tomorrow).  I'm glad that she can see me before my surgery.  I'm still nervous but I'm also happy that it's going to be over soon.  I'm not quite sure what all to expect but the doctor and the nurses have answered all of my questions about it and were very nice and considerate.  I'm also more at ease with it now because my doc is very knowledgeable and experienced.  He is also very thorough and will take time out to make me comfortable because of my anxiety.  It all seems so different from a year ago when I first moved back home.  I'm able to get out of the house more and things don't seem so bleak anymore.  I'm not cured or anything but I am really working on getting myself out of this rut. 

My meds are still working for me, I haven't had any really bad days in a while.  It's really good to feel somewhat like myself again.  For quite some time I was feeling more like a shell of a person and that there was no point to anything.  My thoughts have changed and the feelings have followed.  I am not saying that I wont have bad days, but this is much better than the previous two years of my life.  I am learning to no longer blame myself for things that have happened to me in my life and I am taking responsibility for my actions and the people that I had hurt in my past.  I am also beginning to build my confidence back up and stand up for myself when I have mostly been somewhat of a doormat to selfish or controlling people.  I consider myself a good person, but I'm not perfect, and that is ok!  We all make mistakes, we don't need to spend our lives beating ourselves up mentally or physically (or others, for that matter).  I am learning to move on from past mistakes and to look forward rather than backwards.

I took my ambien, but it has not been working as well as it had before.  I'm off to bed, hopefully I can get some decent sleep tonight! Goodnight. =)