Marsha Linehan, an American psychologist and author uses a great analogy to describe what
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is…
“ People with BPD are like people with third degree burns
over 90 percent of their body. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony
at the slightest touch or movement”.
Try to imagine that third degree burn, over 90 percent of
your
body, a physical wound, one that is painful, raw and sensitive; suppose
someone tries to put a lotion on that wound, a wound that cannot be
touched without causing intense agony. Imagine the pain that you would
have to endure just to begin the healing process.
Now imagine the same for an emotional wound.
Physical wounds heal, some may leave a scar; emotional wounds leave
scars too, but sometimes emotional wounds don’t heal, they are left,
open to infection, open for others to touch, open to cause the most
intense pain.
Try to visualise a world which consists of only black and white; a
world where grey ceases to exist. A world which has no middle ground;
it’s either all or nothing, good or bad.
For some people with BPD, good days are overflowing with beauty.
They become creative, inspired by life, they live in a world of complete
and utter perfection. They are on a high, living in a euphoric state,
the world is unblemished; their life is flawless.
And then come the bad days, they overflow with anguish and suffering.
Their once perfect world has now become empty and broken. They are
lonely and frightened. The inspiration they once had has disappeared and
they feel like a complete failure. The good days are now so distant;
they can no longer be remembered.
They over analyze words and actions. They lose control of their
lives; they become self destructive, unreasonable and paranoid. They
can’t focus, can’t concentrate, can’t sleep and they become irrational
in their thinking and behaviour. They believe that everyone around them
will leave; abandon them. They can’t ever see it getting better, they
feel trapped, suffocated; they can’t breathe.
They have no self-esteem, no self-worth; they hate themselves.
They feel that they no longer have a place in the world; they no longer
want a place in the world. Life is unbearable. They want to die just to stop the pain.
Then, they feel elated, euphoric, back in the perfect world and the cycle continues.
People with BPD are very often misunderstood, they are categorised as
over-sensitive, dramatic and attention seeking. Everything they say or
do is misconstrued.
Have you ever looked at someone with BPD and thought exactly the same?
Imagine having BPD just for a day. Imagine seeing life through the eyes of someone with this disorder…
Someone thinks you’re ‘needy’, with BPD; you just need to know you’re loved.
A person points out your flaws, with BPD, you already know your flaws, you obsess about them,
all of the time.
Someone tries to encourage you by pointing out how you could improve
on something, with BPD, you only hear the words, ‘you’re a failure.’
Somebody doesn’t ring you when they said they would, with BPD this means they’ve abandoned you.
Somebody asks what
you could possibly have to be depressed about, with BPD, you now feel ashamed for feeling this way.
Someone tells you to stop being so negative, with BPD, this only intensifies how you feel.
People tell you that the bad days will pass; with BPD you feel that they don’t understand.
Someone tells you that they’re too busy to see you; with BPD it means that you have become a burden on them.
Someone changes your routine; with BPD they’ve upturned your world.
Look again at somebody with BPD, what is it you see now?
