At some point I will write my story on here, when I'm ready.  I had a doctor's appointment today and I had been feeling miserable. In pain and just fatigued. I wrote down a list (quite a long one) about what has been happening with my body.  He told me that he thinks all of my pains are coming from my anxiety.  I had taken an ativan so I wasn't freaking out at this point, somehow I feel like that isn't right.  Maybe my pain and other problems are anxiety related but I feel that this has been happening since before I had major anxiety.  He prescribed Cymbalta.  Hopefully that will work? We shall see. 

I've also decided that because of my major depression and just wanting all of my pain and problems to go away, I need to go to some form of treatment.  I've applied for a partial program in the behavioral health services in the hospital.  I go in for my assessment tomorrow.  I'm hoping that I can get some form of treatment and coping techniques.  The gal told me that it's somewhat of a group therapy.  Since I have never been to therapy before and I seem to get more nervous around people I don't know... I don't know how I will handle that. I'm willing to try, something's got to give.  I've had an increasing amount of suicidal thoughts and I'm just plain depressed.  I guess I wouldn't be here if I didn't want it to get better right?